I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
