I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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