I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
