I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
