I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
