There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
