You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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