Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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