Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
