I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
