Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
