I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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