Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
