There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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