My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
