He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
