it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
