you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
