addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
