a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
