Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
