i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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