I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
