It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
