Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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