Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
