batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
