We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
