she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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