so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
