Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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