you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
