he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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