Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you win again, gameday.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
