I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
