he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have fence marks all over my body
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize