Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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