Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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