yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
