I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
