We're facebook friends in real life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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