eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
