Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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