We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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