I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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