just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
