strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
