i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
