I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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