You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
