I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
