Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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