you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
