The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize