so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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