Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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