i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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