How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
