I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
