The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
