Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize