its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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