you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised