called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis