I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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