i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
