I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
