Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
50% drunk capacity currently
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.