Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.