told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
