I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
