i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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