Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
